Magic school Hell

Humans are pretty good at keeping secrets from me. I did not know there was a secret society of wizards that had been enrolling magically-enhanced children.

This was back in the ‘90s when I found out. It was only in the 2000s that I callously revealed to the whole world that wizards were back. It was a good thing too, like, I thought the population dwindled after the Dark Ages, but nah you magic people were just hiding your stuff!

Isoma Nisodec. “The Magic Hitler” as some would call him later in life. There was this magic war (YEAH ANOTHER WAR I DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT) that ended in his death, but not actually because he split his soul inside a ton of objects. Wizards were so happy at Isoma’s supposed death that they started shooting firework, pigeons were flying everywhere, cats were staring. Just overall chaos in the United Kingdom.

That attracted my attention.

Oh, oh if only they didn’t so flippantly celebrate, then they would keep their ethnostate of magic away from… whatever the heck they considered me. But yeah that resulted in me getting involved and discovering a lot of things I objected to.

Racist names, funny racist names, slavery, a very conservative lifestyle. That magic society should’ve advanced after the invention of the crossbow, but apparently not! Everything looked like it was falling apart.

And the safety hazards, oh the safety hazards. The education the youths are getting is just dreadful. It’s all magic spells. There’s no math, no English, no history, no biology, no drama, no physics, no social studies, no philosophy, no literature, no algebra, no geometry, no music.

No, the classes were real stupid subjects like “looking at the stars”, “history… of magic”, “transformation” (this is a really weird one, lemme tell you). Sure you got some useful stuff like self-defense, but add the one useful subject against the lack of all the core subjects I’ve already mentioned before, and you’ve got a bunch of inexperienced graduates that can’t even pass on their experiences to the non-magic society.

And- and how do you even get a job in a non-magic society if you graduated in a closed-off magic society? You can’t even show your diploma to the Regulars (which is what they’re calling non-magic folk for Some Reason) because, yeah, IT’S A MAGIC SCHOOL. So you’re stuck in this closed-off society, huffing your farts as children and adults die over and over because of magic incidents.

In their potions class they teach children how to rape other children, I’m serious here. They call it a “love potion”, but it’s rape, straight up. It hypnotizes the subject into loving you against their consent.

The changes I made

When I found out what’s been happening, I made some changes. Forcefully. Some of the magic higher-ups really opposed my violent take-over, but they don’t really get a say in this after keeping their society stagnant for all these centuries. Some of these changes aren’t in chronological order, so watch out.

My first part was the abolishment of slavery, which had apparently been a thing with those people all the way into the ‘90s. These slaves they’ve decided on being slaves are reanimated souls that have sinned, resulting in these “Shadows” that have to follow their master’s control or else be punished.

How sad right, my change? The magic people who can magic their way around problems don’t have slaves to do their problems? When I brought that up, everyone sorta went quiet as if I managed to turn an ancient gear in their heads.

Next up was the introduction of some more core subjects for education, and a closer connection with the UK Education Department (no, not that one) to provide the proper diplomas for graduates to gain a job outside of their closed magic bubble. Sorry, but you can’t even give your students math? Just plain silly

Safety measures? Don’t mind if I do! After a thorough body check with the staff of this country’s school, it came as quite a shock to everyone that there was one teacher who had the face of Isoma Nisodec right on the back of his head. The ensuing battle went quite fast; it was a two-face fighting for control of one body against a whole government building.

It was then that I finally heard of what had happened during this “Isoma War” and how Isoma could’ve survived. “Well then, I guess we should start finding this Isoma fellow,” is what I said after hearing all that.

Not only did I have to work with some other folk to set up safety measures, but we also had to be prepared for any counter-attacks that might happen because of this Dark Time Cult that might strike someone in my group.

I mean, I think it’s very cute they think they can stop me from being progressive, but this was all very easy to fix. After hearing that this magic society also knew about World War II happening, but they did nothing to stop it, I have just purely nothing but contempt for their current state of affairs.

There now was a whole department dedicated to think-tanking the negative consequences of certain spells and creating alternative spells that weren’t that dangerous. I’m not gonna go into much detail on how that works so as to not cause an apocalypse, but the power of suggestion in tying certain words to certain spells does wonders.

We also managed to find where Isoma sent his split souls into. There was his diary, some ring, some random pebble across the street. It was getting difficult when we found out that this adult accidentally put a part of his soul in a baby. I mean, he’s a student now, at that school, but I can’t just kill a child. Morality aside, bringing them back would be really difficult; would the child’s soul return, Isoma’s, an accidental mix between the two?

Anyway I’m not telling you how we eradicated that Isoma soul out of those objects. The process of removing a split soul is the same as inserting that split soul, and there’s no way in the afterlife I’m giving lazy bums a free way into immortality.

Speaking of immortality, that’s why a lot of those Dark Time Cult members joined Isoma. I don’t know why, but they’re some real close-minded fools that can’t see the bigger picture. The moment I realized that, I had a real good time messing with those members.

There was this one guy. I warped his perception of reality so he was in this dusty post-apocalypse where he was the only person left. I left him like that for weeks. There were a lot of members trying to shake him awake from that vision, but he thought he was getting attacked by the wind and severely hurt a lot of folk. “Mweh mweh Miss B that’s cruel”, don’t care his cult’s all about harming children.

We eventually caught all of the Dark Time Cult members, and so the final boss appeared before us.

The Final Boss

Jorking Smorking, yes that’s actually her real name. With such bleak leathery skin, a sterile use of healthcare products, fingers coming out of fingers, it sure was her.

I totally didn’t expect to see her again, of all times. Yeah, me and that thing have quite the history together.

Jorking used to be a snake, one of the first snakes actually. She used to trick humans into eating cursed apples. Why? I don’t know. I eventually got her to stop by removing all of her limbs, but it seems she’s returned to wreak havoc after so many millennia.

I didn’t even know why she wanted immortality; she already was. Soon after, I figured out that she just wanted an endless supply of mashed potatoes, but broooo you can just buy them off the grocery store!!

But yeah she’s the actual founder of the Dark Time Cult. After many failed attempts to elect conservatives as prime minister of the UK, she decided she’d had enough and wanted to try to create her own. So she's been grooming Isoda into this “Magic Hitler” since his birth. Apparently she was trying to elect him as the PM so he could create a bill that would give her free reign to eat all of the mashed potatoes in the country.

It’s a pretty fool-proof plan, but I’d notice if the mashed potatoes of a country would all mysteriously be going to one person.

The battle after she finished her monologue was epic. Our team was on their A-game, and Jorking was as slithery as her species. I don’t know if she heard her own boss theme, but I definitely heard it and it was very corny (I’ll explain later). There was an accordion, a weird synth, I think I heard a fortepiano.

But yeah Jorking kept trying to hit me with magic, but she should already know that’s impossible.

One thing you should know about me: I am completely immune to magic. In the millennia that I’ve studied it, I found out that magic just layers ontop of the existing reality. You kill the wizard, and that layer disappears aswell. It’s why magic is useful for short-term answers, but never a long-term one.

Let’s use a disease as example. In the former’s case, when the wizard dies along with all of their cures, the harmful virus in the patient would’ve already been eradicated long ago. But in the latter’s case, where the patient needs to take in their medicine periodically, this could pose as a serious risk if the wizard dies along with their medicine.

I am a reality bender. Unlike magicians who have to apply a layer of magic, I can shift reality itself, and so I’m inherently tied to it. Sure, I’ll always “play along” with whatever a wizard wants to throw at me, but I can always just ignore what you’re trying to do to me.

After listening to her boss music for about a few minutes, I decided to stop the fight and constricted her. (haha)

“You haven’t seen the last of me!” Jorking yelled before she split off into several tinier snakes and black smoke. Darn it, she got away. Well, it seems like the Dark Time Cult was at an end, or went into hiding, and so the magic society could start healing.

What happened next?

Glad you asked, header.

Well, as Earth natives might already know, the 2000s rolled around and I just revealed this entire magic society, so the magic and normal society were more enrolled with one another. Discrimination and death lowered significantly, and I was once again thanked for all my efforts.

I tell this story to my girlfriend a lot, and I often add more details if I’ve forgotten about it. She’s also a magic user, but she’s never been enrolled in that school so she’s been really invested in what I have to say. There’s like, 7 years worth of stories inbetween my entire summary, but I’ll leave it to you guys to look at my small mentions to fill in the blanks