Timeline:

Super Mario

Monitored by: Klar

Easy enough infiltration. You made me a star, right? These folk revere the stars. I can easily just roam around as a purple star and nobody would care. Hell, some may ask me for guidance.

I can't be bothered to add descriptions to these people. Just play the games if you truly want some nuance in these versions. Let someone else write them.

Donkey Kong

Player He really was called 'Player'	Jumpman Turns out 'Jumpman' was a localization addition. Check any Japanese version--no Jumpman!	Donkey Kong (Sprite) Whar a pounder
Mario (Sprite) Ugly man	Pauline (Sprite) What a gal, piercing white skin	Donkey Kong (Intellivision) What a curageous gentleman
Mario (Intellivision) Looks like an interstellar mechanic	Pauline (Intellivision) The alien queen!	Donkey Kong (Atari 2600) Proto Domo
Mario (Atari 2600) He looks like an escaped mental patient	Pauline (Atari 2600) Hi honey, I'm home!	Donkey Kong (Atari 8-bit) Gravely unamused
Mario (Atari 8-bit) If only he had eyes to see, or maybe he can see?	Pauline (Atari 8-bit) That's a cool dress pattern if I wanna be honest	Donkey Kong (VIC-20) Yuck, blue eyes
Mario (VIC-20) Is that a moustache or is he cursing at me?	Pauline (VIC-20) She's not pregnant; that's just a very wide corset	Donkey Kong (DOS) That does not look like a monkey
Mario (DOS) A mossy birdman	Pauline (DOS) Looks like we're in the jungle	Donkey Kong (Apple II) Nice earrings you got there
Mario (Apple II) This Mario looks like prime gender goals	Pauline (Apple II) Is that a woman in love?	Donkey Kong (Coleco) Must a distant cousin of the Game & Watch family
Mario (Coleco) Oh, if only I could pick him up	Pauline (Coleco) She looks like decoration to a wedding cake	Donkey Kong (ZK Spectrum) Now what is this devious Donkey planning?
Mario (ZK Spectrum) Is that an archangel?	Pauline (ZK Spectrum) Ms. Thunder Thighs over here looks like she needs some posing for a bathroom sign	Fire A fire spirit? This can't be an urban setting...
Fireball The older brother, look how fatter it is	Construction Site What type of building do you suppose this thing used to be?	Mario It's him
Pauline The only canon Mario exes	Donkey Kong I'm sure you'll be a lot of fun

Player

He really was called 'Player'

Jumpman

Turns out 'Jumpman' was a localization addition. Check any Japanese version--no Jumpman!

Donkey Kong (Sprite)

Whar a pounder

Mario (Sprite)

Ugly man

Pauline (Sprite)

What a gal, piercing white skin

Donkey Kong (Intellivision)

What a curageous gentleman

Mario (Intellivision)

Looks like an interstellar mechanic

Pauline (Intellivision)

The alien queen!

Donkey Kong (Atari 2600)

Proto Domo

Mario (Atari 2600)

He looks like an escaped mental patient

Pauline (Atari 2600)

Hi honey, I'm home!

Donkey Kong (Atari 8-bit)

Gravely unamused

Mario (Atari 8-bit)

If only he had eyes to see, or maybe he can see?

Pauline (Atari 8-bit)

That's a cool dress pattern if I wanna be honest

Donkey Kong (VIC-20)

Yuck, blue eyes

Mario (VIC-20)

Is that a moustache or is he cursing at me?

Pauline (VIC-20)

She's not pregnant; that's just a very wide corset

Donkey Kong (DOS)

That does not look like a monkey

Mario (DOS)

A mossy birdman

Pauline (DOS)

Looks like we're in the jungle

Donkey Kong (Apple II)

Nice earrings you got there

Mario (Apple II)

This Mario looks like prime gender goals

Pauline (Apple II)

Is that a woman in love?

Donkey Kong (Coleco)

Must a distant cousin of the Game & Watch family

Mario (Coleco)

Oh, if only I could pick him up

Pauline (Coleco)

She looks like decoration to a wedding cake

Donkey Kong (ZK Spectrum)

Now what is this devious Donkey planning?

Mario (ZK Spectrum)

Is that an archangel?

Pauline (ZK Spectrum)

Ms. Thunder Thighs over here looks like she needs some posing for a bathroom sign

Fire

A fire spirit? This can't be an urban setting...

Fireball

The older brother, look how fatter it is

Construction Site

What type of building do you suppose this thing used to be?

Mario

It's him

Pauline

The only canon Mario exes

Donkey Kong

I'm sure you'll be a lot of fun

Donkey Kong Jr.

Mario What an evil man, locking up an aggressive monkey that could tear someone in pieces if left unattended	Donkey Kong Jr. This monkey will grow up to one day go to the store for milk	Snapjaw Nasty piece of work
Nitpicker What a fascinating bird, I'd like to pluck his feathers	Spark "Bzz, bzz, direct the flow of electricity!" That's probably what he's saying	Spark Do you think this Spark is more sophisticated?
Kuro This bird's hobbies include divebombing into Donkey Kong Jr.

Mario

What an evil man, locking up an aggressive monkey that could tear someone in pieces if left unattended

Donkey Kong Jr.

This monkey will grow up to one day go to the store for milk

Snapjaw

Nasty piece of work

Nitpicker

What a fascinating bird, I'd like to pluck his feathers

Spark

"Bzz, bzz, direct the flow of electricity!" That's probably what he's saying

Spark

Do you think this Spark is more sophisticated?

Kuro

This bird's hobbies include divebombing into Donkey Kong Jr.

Mario Bros. (Game & Watch)

Luigi

Treats both a mouse and eldritch souleater with the same manner of fear

Mario Bros.

Mario Are the sewers that slippery?	Fighter Fly Doesn't look like much of a fighter. Get that repellant!	Freezie I'm sure he's a cool kid when you get him around the block
Sidestepper Side, side, side, side, STEP!

Mario

Are the sewers that slippery?

Fighter Fly

Doesn't look like much of a fighter. Get that repellant!

Freezie

I'm sure he's a cool kid when you get him around the block

Sidestepper

Side, side, side, side, STEP!

Donkey Kong 3

Stanley He was doing such a good job in Juicy Jungle as well. You know, before they got him	Creepy Teeth... Does this invertebrate have a skeleton?	Creepy Drew a dark, fucked up version of Creepy
Beespy I'm sure we won't run into any other bug holding a spear

Stanley

He was doing such a good job in Juicy Jungle as well. You know, before they got him

Creepy

Teeth... Does this invertebrate have a skeleton?

Creepy

Drew a dark, fucked up version of Creepy

Beespy

I'm sure we won't run into any other bug holding a spear

Donkey Kong Jr. Math

Junior (II)

A palette swap of Donkey Kong Jr. Or maybe it's his girlfriend if you wanna go really far...

Wrecking Crew

Eggplant Man

Is it an eggplant spirit or someone in a suit? Only one bite to find out!

Foreman Spike

You're not black...

Super Mario Bros.

Mario He really just kept this design for quite a while	Mario (Sprite) He looks like an old man	Luigi Sorry Luigi, no official art of you
Goomba What're you squinting at? You think you're Klefty?	Goomba No mouth, yet filled with the urge to scream	Koopa Troopa Nice jagged mouth, grandpa
Koopa Troopa I'm sure your two-legged grandchildren will look at you in pity	Goomba So, is it a Gloomba now?	Koopa Troopa Green or Red? Who knows
Piranha Plant Night vision genetically modified to detect overalls	Koopa Troopa This Koopa doesn't dare walk off the edge. Good survival instinct there!	Piranha Plant Mean and green
Blooper Now that's a blubbering anomaly	Koopa Troopa Will this Koopa walk off the edge or not? That's the thing with being morally grey	Hammer Bro. How do you think he feels right now?
Koopa Paratroopa I love this chubby Koopa	Koopa Paratroopa Look at you, having a flight pattern	Bowser Now here's a tough guy. Come up, put your fisticuffs on!
Bowser This is what led to someone creating Giga Bowser?	Toad Hide your belly button, perf...	Toad He could never flip you off
Blooper I really gotta judge this biology	Blooper How are you doing on this fine day?	Cheep Cheep How's he grey? There's no time for that
Cheep Cheep He looks like a water bottle product	Cheep Cheep I guess you're a little chicken...	Podoboo Glowing with rage
Koopa Paratroopa How you hopping?	Hammer Bro. You could be a little bit more angry if you tried	Hammer Bro. You look stupid
Goomba Castle Goomba. There was a name, but I forgot	Koopa Paratroopa Can't get much wind under these tough conditions	Buzzy Beetle I know that's not a Goomba
Buzzy Beetle Is this the illusive Goth Beetle?	Buzzy Beetle The Beetles	Hammer Bro. You look finely destructible
Bullet Bill Silly guy	Bullet Bill Oh my god, he grew arms	Lakitu Is this guy truly one of ours?
Lakitu I don't know, but this cloud looks amazing to touch	Spiny For some reason you remind me of a racist caricature	Spiny This guy looks ready to be very annoying
Princess Peach Looks like Jerma	Princess Peach That's an acceptable hairstyle	Super Star You must promise you're a happy little star
Super Star This music sounds like something written by Casiopea	Mushroom Kingdom Mushroom Kingdom, here I come	Goomba Step right up, step right on
Coin Guys, I think we'll see this again soon	Super Mushroom Well, it doesn't make you grow infinitely	1-Up Mushroom You're my uh 1-Up
Fire Flower Still effective years later	Super Star My supers got nothing with you	Green Koopa Troopa Are you stupid? Are you dumb? Do you feel shame?
Piranha Plant Yuck, right from the ground too?	Red Koopa Troopa You should be redder	Red Koopa Paratroopa Stop flying!!!
Bowser That's kool spelled with a k	Toad Apparently the worst character in existence	Beanstalk This thing loves getting climbed on
Green Koopa Paratroopa My green is further than you	Blooper Hey, fly guy!	Cheep Cheep What a chubby tummy (blowfish gif)
Lava Bubble When it descends, it joins the hivemind	Hammer Bro. You sure love wielding that hammer(s) of yours	Lakitu That cloud be chillin bra idc bout nun
Spiny But does it love itself first of all?	Buzzy Beetle Oh my god, it's blue!	Bullet Bill Where's your sense of victory?
Princess Peach Looking very catty	Princess Peach The cakes are delicious	Mushroom Kingdom Ugh, this place looks too rich with life! American animation studio, make it worse now!

Mario

He really just kept this design for quite a while

Mario (Sprite)

He looks like an old man

Luigi

Sorry Luigi, no official art of you

Goomba

What're you squinting at? You think you're Klefty?

Goomba

No mouth, yet filled with the urge to scream

Koopa Troopa

Nice jagged mouth, grandpa

Koopa Troopa

I'm sure your two-legged grandchildren will look at you in pity

Goomba

So, is it a Gloomba now?

Koopa Troopa

Green or Red? Who knows

Piranha Plant

Night vision genetically modified to detect overalls

Koopa Troopa

This Koopa doesn't dare walk off the edge. Good survival instinct there!

Piranha Plant

Mean and green

Blooper

Now that's a blubbering anomaly

Koopa Troopa

Will this Koopa walk off the edge or not? That's the thing with being morally grey

Hammer Bro.

How do you think he feels right now?

Koopa Paratroopa

I love this chubby Koopa

Koopa Paratroopa

Look at you, having a flight pattern

Bowser

Now here's a tough guy. Come up, put your fisticuffs on!

Bowser

This is what led to someone creating Giga Bowser?

Toad

Hide your belly button, perf...

Toad

He could never flip you off

Blooper

I really gotta judge this biology

Blooper

How are you doing on this fine day?

Cheep Cheep

How's he grey? There's no time for that

Cheep Cheep

He looks like a water bottle product

Cheep Cheep

I guess you're a little chicken...

Podoboo

Glowing with rage

Koopa Paratroopa

How you hopping?

Hammer Bro.

You could be a little bit more angry if you tried

Hammer Bro.

You look stupid

Goomba

Castle Goomba. There was a name, but I forgot

Koopa Paratroopa

Can't get much wind under these tough conditions

Buzzy Beetle

I know that's not a Goomba

Buzzy Beetle

Is this the illusive Goth Beetle?

Buzzy Beetle

The Beetles

Hammer Bro.

You look finely destructible

Bullet Bill

Silly guy

Bullet Bill

Oh my god, he grew arms

Lakitu

Is this guy truly one of ours?

Lakitu

I don't know, but this cloud looks amazing to touch

Spiny

For some reason you remind me of a racist caricature

Spiny

This guy looks ready to be very annoying

Princess Peach

Looks like Jerma

Princess Peach

That's an acceptable hairstyle

Super Star

You must promise you're a happy little star

Super Star

This music sounds like something written by Casiopea

Mushroom Kingdom

Mushroom Kingdom, here I come

Goomba

Step right up, step right on

Coin

Guys, I think we'll see this again soon

Super Mushroom

Well, it doesn't make you grow infinitely

1-Up Mushroom

You're my uh 1-Up

Fire Flower

Still effective years later

Super Star

My supers got nothing with you

Green Koopa Troopa

Are you stupid? Are you dumb? Do you feel shame?

Piranha Plant

Yuck, right from the ground too?

Red Koopa Troopa

You should be redder

Red Koopa Paratroopa

Stop flying!!!

Bowser

That's kool spelled with a k

Toad

Apparently the worst character in existence

Beanstalk

This thing loves getting climbed on

Green Koopa Paratroopa

My green is further than you

Blooper

Hey, fly guy!

Cheep Cheep

What a chubby tummy (blowfish gif)

Lava Bubble

When it descends, it joins the hivemind

Hammer Bro.

You sure love wielding that hammer(s) of yours

Lakitu

That cloud be chillin bra idc bout nun

Spiny

But does it love itself first of all?

Buzzy Beetle

Oh my god, it's blue!

Bullet Bill

Where's your sense of victory?

Princess Peach

Looking very catty

Princess Peach

The cakes are delicious

Mushroom Kingdom

Ugh, this place looks too rich with life! American animation studio, make it worse now!

Super Mario Bros. 2

Poison Mushroom

Just because he looks evil, doesn't mean you don't have to eat it

Super Mario Bros. 2

Mario You're not that slick, dude	Albatoss Well can he fly himself into a subsequent game?	Birdo She literally calls herself Birdo, calm yourself
Beezo Beeeezo, Beeeezo	Flurry How would you rate his friction?	Mouser I can't believe Mouser's dead
Cobrat This snake will appear again	Shy Guy Imagine not changing him	Spark He's black now!
Wart Wart go invade a nightmare next time	Subcon You see, they're the people of Subcon, also called Subcon	Bob-omb Yes, Bob-omb, kaboom
Pokey It will move at any speed it likes, thank you very much	Ninji Beefy legs create a beefy attitude	Red Birdo You look like you need a new accessory
Green Birdo I guess that's the last of you sisters...

Mario

You're not that slick, dude

Albatoss

Well can he fly himself into a subsequent game?

Birdo

She literally calls herself Birdo, calm yourself

Beezo

Beeeezo, Beeeezo

Flurry

How would you rate his friction?

Mouser

I can't believe Mouser's dead

Cobrat

This snake will appear again

Shy Guy

Imagine not changing him

Spark

He's black now!

Wart

Wart go invade a nightmare next time

Subcon

You see, they're the people of Subcon, also called Subcon

Bob-omb

Yes, Bob-omb, kaboom

Pokey

It will move at any speed it likes, thank you very much

Ninji

Beefy legs create a beefy attitude

Red Birdo

You look like you need a new accessory

Green Birdo

I guess that's the last of you sisters...

Super Mario Bros. 3

Mario Your P-Meter won't do much against military forces	Goomba Looks like an overgrown pancake	Goomba (Red) I love the part where he turns red
Angry Sun He's actually just called 'Sun'	Boo Who wants to smooch a ghost?	Boom Boom I was I that gave wings to that thing!
Chain Chomp Chained for humanitarian crimes	Fire Piranha Plant Spicy	Fire Chomp Bowser should stop hiring the self-destruct unit
Muncher Maybe Bowser should guard his castle with these things	Birdo You will NEVER date a plant	Paragoomba You should remove his wings and then walk away, let him live in shame forever
Albatoss I heard one of these is good friends with a group of Toads	Birdo How deep does that throat of his go?	Thwomp "Domesticated"? How can you ever contain a free spirit?
Ludwig von Koopa He looks cracked at FL Studio	Roy Koopa Did he ever keep these sunglasses?	Lemmy Koopa We must be living in some kind of Lemmy's Land
Morton Koopa Jr. But then, who's the Sr.?	Wendy O. Koopa The O stands for Overrated	Larry Koopa Don't worry, Larry boy, you'll soon find a suitable significant one
Iggy Koopa Little Mad Doctor Jr. Gonna cry?	Frog Suit Must feel slimy to wear

Mario

Your P-Meter won't do much against military forces

Goomba

Looks like an overgrown pancake

Goomba (Red)

I love the part where he turns red

Angry Sun

He's actually just called 'Sun'

Boo

Who wants to smooch a ghost?

Boom Boom

I was I that gave wings to that thing!

Chain Chomp

Chained for humanitarian crimes

Fire Piranha Plant

Spicy

Fire Chomp

Bowser should stop hiring the self-destruct unit

Muncher

Maybe Bowser should guard his castle with these things

Birdo

You will NEVER date a plant

Paragoomba

You should remove his wings and then walk away, let him live in shame forever

Albatoss

I heard one of these is good friends with a group of Toads

Birdo

How deep does that throat of his go?

Thwomp

"Domesticated"? How can you ever contain a free spirit?

Ludwig von Koopa

He looks cracked at FL Studio

Roy Koopa

Did he ever keep these sunglasses?

Lemmy Koopa

We must be living in some kind of Lemmy's Land

Morton Koopa Jr.

But then, who's the Sr.?

Wendy O. Koopa

The O stands for Overrated

Larry Koopa

Don't worry, Larry boy, you'll soon find a suitable significant one

Iggy Koopa

Little Mad Doctor Jr. Gonna cry?

Frog Suit

Must feel slimy to wear

Super Mario Land

Goombo I guess eyebrows are too much fur for this weather!	Goombo See, this is what the heat does; it roasts you black!	Bombshell Koopa Rest in piece, idiot
Bullet Biff His biff hurts stronger than his bite	Bunbun Aw yeah, second bug enemy wielding spears!	Gao Do you think he yells his own name when he spits fire?
Princess Daisy Tanned, just how I remember her!	Princess Daisy Someone should make a webcomic where she's evil for some reason!	Superball Flower Your clothes don't even change. What a bootleg!
Superball Flower Stare even harder and its iris will stare back at you	Princess Daisy Say it louder for those in the back

Goombo

I guess eyebrows are too much fur for this weather!

Goombo

See, this is what the heat does; it roasts you black!

Bombshell Koopa

Rest in piece, idiot

Bullet Biff

His biff hurts stronger than his bite

Bunbun

Aw yeah, second bug enemy wielding spears!

Gao

Do you think he yells his own name when he spits fire?

Princess Daisy

Tanned, just how I remember her!

Princess Daisy

Someone should make a webcomic where she's evil for some reason!

Superball Flower

Your clothes don't even change. What a bootleg!

Superball Flower

Stare even harder and its iris will stare back at you

Princess Daisy

Say it louder for those in the back

Dr. Mario

Red Virus

I am very red and I'm mad

Super Mario All-Stars

Mushroom Kingdom The music sounds a bit different here...	Goomba He's absolutely beaming with joy	Goomba How can you pillow shade underground?
Goomba This Goomba has been specifically laminated for castle use	Grass Land I'm sure the wood is for funny uses	Goomba Why is he staring at me like that...
Goomba Oh no he's turning angry	Ludwig von Koopa Still with that white hair?	Lemmy Koopa Small fire, dude
Roy Koopa Stay golden	Iggy Koopa Flame on dude	Wendy O. Koopa Ditch the lips, sister
Larry Koopa Oh you're blue now	Morton Koopa Jr. Nice star

Mushroom Kingdom

The music sounds a bit different here...

Goomba

He's absolutely beaming with joy

Goomba

How can you pillow shade underground?

Goomba

This Goomba has been specifically laminated for castle use

Grass Land

I'm sure the wood is for funny uses

Goomba

Why is he staring at me like that...

Goomba

Oh no he's turning angry

Ludwig von Koopa

Still with that white hair?

Lemmy Koopa

Small fire, dude

Roy Koopa

Stay golden

Iggy Koopa

Flame on dude

Wendy O. Koopa

Ditch the lips, sister

Larry Koopa

Oh you're blue now

Morton Koopa Jr.

Nice star

Super Mario World

Amazin' Flyin' Hammer Bro. You'll fit a Peach game years down the line	Eerie Wow you're ineffective	Fish Bone With much patience, even you can hold up your own bones
Mushroom Kingdom He was always a Galoomba, suck it localization	Jumping Piranha Plant You think it'll ever get something?	Monty Mole Will there be a Phillip Mole?
Urchin Oh no, the horror, he's a different color!	Yoshi Eat what you want, you can't eat the progression of time	Red Yoshi It tried eating Magma once. Wait why is 'Magma' capitalized...?
Blue Yoshi Must be tough trying to eat anything without wings sprouting from your back	Yellow Yoshi Yellow	Cape Feather This feather's quite windy, yoew!
3-Up Moon We should reunite this poor fool's with its missing half for a 4-Up Full Moon!!	Ludwig von Koopa Yellow looks horrible on you	Wendy O. Koopa What's with the house arrest ankle bracelet?
Morton Koopa Jr. You look especially horrible	Larry Koopa You look like a prime candidate to be dangling on a dangerous lava pit	Iggy Koopa You too. Get over here
Roy Koopa Listening to Blues now, Roy?	Lemmy Koopa Hey, Lemmy, your balls suck	Blue Koopa Troopa Must be aquatically available
Yellow Koopa Troopa You look nearly naked, put some clothes on!	Wiggler Each segment is just another gender

Amazin' Flyin' Hammer Bro.

You'll fit a Peach game years down the line

Eerie

Wow you're ineffective

Fish Bone

With much patience, even you can hold up your own bones

Mushroom Kingdom

He was always a Galoomba, suck it localization

Jumping Piranha Plant

You think it'll ever get something?

Monty Mole

Will there be a Phillip Mole?

Urchin

Oh no, the horror, he's a different color!

Yoshi

Eat what you want, you can't eat the progression of time

Red Yoshi

It tried eating Magma once. Wait why is 'Magma' capitalized...?

Blue Yoshi

Must be tough trying to eat anything without wings sprouting from your back

Yellow Yoshi

Yellow

Cape Feather

This feather's quite windy, yoew!

3-Up Moon

We should reunite this poor fool's with its missing half for a 4-Up Full Moon!!

Ludwig von Koopa

Yellow looks horrible on you

Wendy O. Koopa

What's with the house arrest ankle bracelet?

Morton Koopa Jr.

You look especially horrible

Larry Koopa

You look like a prime candidate to be dangling on a dangerous lava pit

Iggy Koopa

You too. Get over here

Roy Koopa

Listening to Blues now, Roy?

Lemmy Koopa

Hey, Lemmy, your balls suck

Blue Koopa Troopa

Must be aquatically available

Yellow Koopa Troopa

You look nearly naked, put some clothes on!

Wiggler

Each segment is just another gender

Mario Paint

King Watinga

You look like a prime candidate for the woke beam

Super Mario Land 2: Six Golden Coins

Wario

I gotta win

Carrot

It can only give you the ears. God know what would happen with your suit

Yoshi's Safari

Jewelry Land

Greedy

Donkey Kong Country

Donkey Kong How's your father?	Cranky Kong How's your son?	Diddy Kong From my perspectiv, all Diddies are equally bad
Candy Kong Tall lady	Rambi The Animal Friend that's popular!	Enguarde The one from the level with the cool music
Funky Kong Freaky Kong	Winky Everyone's beautiful in their own way...	Expresso Makes me want to have a cup of coffee...
Expresso (Red) Also known as Smokey, Flicky, or Papa Laz	Expresso (Green) Also known as Misty, Tinky, or Humpty	Expresso (Blue) Also known as Ozzie, Bungle, or Rapido
Squawks Powerscalers will call this bird stronger than Donkey Kong	King K. Rool Aahha, aha, "Cruel", haaha

Donkey Kong

How's your father?

Cranky Kong

How's your son?

Diddy Kong

From my perspectiv, all Diddies are equally bad

Candy Kong

Tall lady

Rambi

The Animal Friend that's popular!

Enguarde

The one from the level with the cool music

Funky Kong

Freaky Kong

Winky

Everyone's beautiful in their own way...

Expresso

Makes me want to have a cup of coffee...

Expresso (Red)

Also known as Smokey, Flicky, or Papa Laz

Expresso (Green)

Also known as Misty, Tinky, or Humpty

Expresso (Blue)

Also known as Ozzie, Bungle, or Rapido

Squawks

Powerscalers will call this bird stronger than Donkey Kong

King K. Rool

Aahha, aha, "Cruel", haaha

Hotel Mario

Pat Bat

What's the difference between a Goomba and a Swoop?

Penny

What up, Sheldon?

Donkey Kong (Game Boy)

Bowbow Poor urban crossbreeding	Rappy That cloak? It's on the mouse!	Dotty Makes sense it'd be red
Arumajiron Inhumane	Purupuru Looks like an easy thing to roll	Faiachu Unable to get a job
	Sniper Watch out for your head

Bowbow

Poor urban crossbreeding

Rappy

That cloak? It's on the mouse!

Dotty

Makes sense it'd be red

Arumajiron

Inhumane

Purupuru

Looks like an easy thing to roll

Faiachu

Unable to get a job

Sniper

Watch out for your head

Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island

Pink Yoshi Very cute, full of love	Light Blue Yoshi You remind me of the color blue	Purple Yoshi How many people think you have a skin color?
Brown Yoshi This is a cool color scheme	Baby Mario Don't let that thing cry	Baby Luigi The baby in distress
Propeller Piranha He can fly	Wild Ptooie Piranha Hi, I'm Ptooey, Ptooey the Ptooie

Pink Yoshi

Very cute, full of love

Light Blue Yoshi

You remind me of the color blue

Purple Yoshi

How many people think you have a skin color?

Brown Yoshi

This is a cool color scheme

Baby Mario

Don't let that thing cry

Baby Luigi

The baby in distress

Propeller Piranha

He can fly

Wild Ptooie Piranha

Hi, I'm Ptooey, Ptooey the Ptooie

Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest

Dixie Kong

Gotta have much talent

Quawks

You're sure this is an original character?

Super Mario RPG

Megasmilax

You only really know of him because Viridi once mentioned him

Chewy

Yuck

Super Mario 64

Mario A prime candidate for internet horror!	Mario I'm using an experimental drawing style where it turns sentient. Is it staring at you?	King Bob-omb A real bomb slinger, capiche?
Power Star Ugh, I can't with all these stars	Amp I would keep this thing as a pet	Moneybags Merch opportunity
Skeeter Can I borrow your egg, Skeeter?	Whomp Oh this Whomp has no spikes at all, that goes far beyond domesticated	Bob-omb Battlefield The war is a bit of a side gig
Warp to Hazy Maze Cave This shouldn't exist

Mario

A prime candidate for internet horror!

Mario

I'm using an experimental drawing style where it turns sentient. Is it staring at you?

King Bob-omb

A real bomb slinger, capiche?

Power Star

Ugh, I can't with all these stars

Amp

I would keep this thing as a pet

Moneybags

Merch opportunity

Skeeter

Can I borrow your egg, Skeeter?

Whomp

Oh this Whomp has no spikes at all, that goes far beyond domesticated

Bob-omb Battlefield

The war is a bit of a side gig

Warp to Hazy Maze Cave

This shouldn't exist

Yoshi's Story

Kiddy Kong

(Kiddy Kong dissolved into flesh tissue soon after the end of DKC3)

Yoshi's Story

Black Yoshi You look like a better racial allegory than the Brown one	White Yoshi (Not truly white)	Piranha Pest How would it roll its tongue inside?
Piranha Sprout My teeth...	Orange Yoshi He looks crunchy!

Black Yoshi

You look like a better racial allegory than the Brown one

White Yoshi

(Not truly white)

Piranha Pest

How would it roll its tongue inside?

Piranha Sprout

My teeth...

Orange Yoshi

He looks crunchy!

Wrecking Crew '98

Gotchawrench

Wanna see me throw him again?

Foreman Spike

Now you just need underbody strength

Donkey Kong 64

Candy Kong

Guys, she gives "melons"! Boobs! Get it???

Paper Mario

Mario

It's Mario, and he's PAPER??!!

Frost Piranha

Stay school

Putrid Piranha

Stay brbrbrbfbbrbfb

Mario Artist: Polygon Studio

Tube

Oh hey it's the Winter log!

Mario Tennis

Waluigi

Stay where you belong, dude

Super Mario Advance

Robirdo

Oh no, the Mario gang have won over Birdo by using her preferred pronouns, time to Plan B (Birdo) it up

Mobile Golf

Foreman Spike

There's nothing wrong with my filename

Mario Kart: Super Circuit

Boo Lake

Okay now go fly over there

Super Mario Sunshine

Bowser Jr.

Spit fire, weirdo

Petey Piranha

Finally, my own goopy clone!

Mario Kart: Double Dash

Toadette

She HATES the union

Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga

Blue Piranha Plant You must love being blue, right?	Piranha Bean Beany Piranha	Mom Piranha Shakka, shakka, ya
Fawful Up until now, he'll be a mistranslation	Fighter Fly You look like an '80s remnant

Blue Piranha Plant

You must love being blue, right?

Piranha Bean

Beany Piranha

Mom Piranha

Shakka, shakka, ya

Fawful

Up until now, he'll be a mistranslation

Fighter Fly

You look like an '80s remnant

Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door

Vivian

Get that hat outta there

Mario Power Tennis

Light-blue Birdo

I guess the ring on your finger's a crystal, eh?

Orange Birdo

You can't all be married, right?

Mario Party 6

Brighton

That's not cool, that's hot!!

Twila

An agent, not a god

Super Mario 64 DS

Silver Star

He's got a cool jingle

DK: King of Swing

Candy Kong

"Donkey, my love, I've turned my hair into a bunch of banans so you can eat me..."

Super Mario Strikers

Yellow Birdo

Are these all still part of the Birdo Sisters?

Blue Birdo

It's Birdo!

Mario & Luigi: Partners in Time

Elasto-Piranha

He's too tall for this section, get him outta there!!

Thwack

Red and Green are universal constants

Copy Flower

It's the flower of two!

New Super Mario Bros.

Balloon Boo Anyone else literally have no problem dealing with this?	Blockhopper A potential mascot?	Broozer Get that stupid boxing kick
Splunkin Eat the pumpkin	Squiggler You think I would crush a baby?

Balloon Boo

Anyone else literally have no problem dealing with this?

Blockhopper

A potential mascot?

Broozer

Get that stupid boxing kick

Splunkin

Eat the pumpkin

Squiggler

You think I would crush a baby?

Mario vs. Donkey Kong 2: March of the Minis

Snapjaw

Michael, don't leave me here

Yoshi's Island DS

Bungee Piranha

Surely you think your sports are insane?

Polterpiranhas

A ghost of infinite possibilities

Super Paper Mario

Dimentio

Fine, go do a card trick

Mario Strikers Charged

Black Birdo

White

White Birdo

Black

Brown Birdo

Asian or Hispanic, there's no need to panic (you know this stuff's organic)

Super Mario Galaxy

Rosalina

Mother...

Rainbow Star

This one turns you into gummy candy

Baron Brrr

One too many R's for me

Bouldergeist

He's actually a little baby once you get to know him

Dino Piranha

This one needs some more years in incubation

Fiery Dino Piranha

That's not what I meant

Flipbug

You think this guy's wings go high on the black market?

Goombeetle

But is it a Goomba though?

Grand Star

Power siphon >:(
Power siphon, good guys :))

Green Star

I am very green

Octoguy

You think it'll make a loud wet slap if I throw it hard enough?

Spiky Piranha Plant

Sumo do wa!

Boo Mushroom

You won't see me eating this in public

Bee Mushroom

Doctor Been

Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story

Choomba

It eats coal straight from the source

Chuboomba

Not quite blorbed, just fat

New Super Mario Bros. Wii

Stalking Piranha Plant

You are once again too long

Scaredy Rat

You look like a prime candidate for a robot girl

Jellybeam

My jelly is beaming rn

River Piranha Plant

Hey, you can stop now

Ice Flower

Those ice balls work day and night studying m3 classes to encase someone in a perfect block of ice

Ludwig von Koopa

Are you truly a master symphonian?

Lemmy Koopa

Finally got yourself a hairstyle?

Roy Koopa

Now those are glasses I recognize

Iggy Koopa

You're

Wendy O. Koopa

The O stands for Oval (her rings)

Larry Koopa

Quite unbelievable I know someone that's in love with you

Morton Koopa

What idiot thinks you're a blabbermouth?

Super Mario Galaxy 2

Bronze Star

Sorry Mario, you suck

Cosmic Clone

Evil Pikmin

Pattan

The baby spin-off

Peewee Piranha

Why are you glowing? Why Are You Glowing?

Bulb Berry

This fruit will only tell the truth

Blimp Fruit

This fruit will forespell disasters

Dash Pepper

And this fruit writes on AO3

Cloud Flower

You're not a fruit, so git

Super Mario 3D Land

Boomerang Flower

Finally, there is a boomerang

Biddybud

Comes in many collectible colors

Coin Coffer

You look like a slick silly

Draglet

Oh I'm so sorry this is how you evolved into

Peepa

The ghost with the most

Prongo

How effective do you think you are?

Wallop

There's a Mario blog with your name on it

New Super Mario Bros. 2

Gold Flower

A walking disaster

Bone Goomba

Hey! Silly!

Bone Piranha Plant

No way, they're vertrebrates?

Boohemoth

You look like a villain

Small Urchin

Your smallness is just a scam!

Scuttlebug

My scuttle is cuter than your scuttle

New Super Mario Bros. U

Magenta Yoshi

(Only seen in baby form)

Boost Star

Good job, you stepped on blocks a bunch

Nabbit

God doesn't care about justice or what's right or wrong. God just likes to watch interesting things happen

Waddlewing

You look reccuring

Goombrat

You look like a cool skull piece

Super Acorn

Ugh, where's the Dog Suit?

Mario & Luigi: Dream Team

Antasma

Wow, cool lineart!

Super Mario 3D World

Ant Trooper

But then, who's the Ant Queen?

Cat Goomba

+1 point to Goombas having toes

Double Cherry

I can circumcize

Mario Kart 8

Cheese Land

Sorry I ate the track

Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker

Piranha Sprout

Didn't I see you awhile ago?

Invincibility Mushroom

Couldn't get a Super Star?

Super Mario Run

Coin Rush Star

Another walking disaster

Super Mario Odyssey

Bonneter

They have an interesting language

Burrbo

Now this is a weak slick

Gushen

Help, I am encased in water

Astro-Lanceur

Stimpy, this reminds me of a Star Wars scene

New Donk City

You must feel so proud

Bubblaine

Somebody poisoned the water

Paper Mario: The Origami King

Olivia

You look like someone we can traumatize

King Olly

You must feel pretty guilty if you think Olly represents you

Princess Peach: Showtime!

Grape

She would've survived if Mario were there...

Void expeditions

Enguarde (Donkey Kong Racing)

Hmm... purple.